Brother-in-Law

I have never spoken about my Brother-in-Law before but I have never rated him. Mind you I am not married to him and never in a million years would I wish to.
The first time I was told of his antics was when he was introduced to my Parents, at one stage my Sister who he was courting just said to him. "Lie down and I'll fan you". With that he lay down on the floor. My Mother was shocked. He was a son of a Policeman but was not intelligent at all.
He was the only child, had everything he wanted and was rather greedy and very selfish.
As anyone who reads my blog will know that many many years ago I worked on British Railways first as an engine cleaner then as a Fireman. It was as a Fireman when this incident happened.
I was always at work on Christmas Day, although as a rule there was nothing to do. I can honestly say that all my working life on the Railway I never had Christmas Day off work. We generally went to work at 6.00am and although we were supposed to finish at 2.00pm we often left work about 1.30pm.
It was the first Christmas that my Sister and her Husband were invited to Christmas Dinner, we call it that because that is how we were bought up. Dinner at dinner time, That is at about 1.00pm.
As I was at work, my Brother in law called Dennis offered to carve. I don't know why because he had no idea how to carve meat. In this case it was a Turkey.
Well he cut the meat after a fashion, mine was put on a plate and put to one side. After he had put the meat on all of the plates. He asked if everybody had got enough. With the answer of yes. He then put the remaining meat on his plate. I am telling you as my Mother told me. She was astounded.
When I got home she was full of it and told me that no matter what time I got home on Christmas Day, the Turkey would be left until I was there to cut the meat up myself. This was implemented from that day until I left home.
We found out that he was greedy too with other things. He was at a wedding and his drink is rum. He took the bottle and it never left his side until it was empty.
Mind you some things happened to him that he did not think was funny but my Father laughed heartily when telling me.
They went one day to a sort of zoo. There in the place was a parrot. There was a sign warning folks not to get too coled to the parrot as it had a liking for buttons. Dennis, thought there would be no problem so he went close to the bird. All of a sudden the parrot bit off one of his buttons on his jacket sleeve. "Bugger me" he said "All I did was stand like this". With a sudden move the parrot had the other button off. My Father couldn't stop laughing. His wife, my Sister was furious with him.
The other occasion he was put down was when they stopped at a country pub. My Father and Dennis went in and the rest sat outside. My Father ordered the drinks and Dennis got a tray and started to put the drinks on the tray, not without trouble it may be told.The owner saw him struggling and shouted. "Just a minute, just a minute. I've met clever buggers like you before. Dennis just left the pub, he couldn't stand anyone telling him straight. My Father was again in stitches when he arrived at the table carrying the tray of drinks. More soon.